Tuesday, April 30, 2013

No father figure please!

Hello friends! I know its been too long since I last posted, so please forgive me. Gonna try my best to get off my lazy caboose and write more, especially because it feels so darn good. Are you all enjoying spring? I know I am. Being trapped in the house all winter did not make me a productive girl and frankly that cabin fever was spreading through my house like wild fire. But, now that the weather is getting nicer on a regular basis, I've kicked up my workouts (thanks to my girls Katherine M and Kathryn K. Thanks ladies!), done some much needed spring cleaning and spruced up my front yard. I'm feeling good and I know that the abundance of sunshine has a lot to do with it, but there are still some challenges that take me for a loop when faced.

My friends, I want to get a little personal with you. I have never been one to shy away about telling my story. I believe that for the most part, my life is an open book because I know that along the way, my story may help someone else. My experience may be an inspiration to someone who truly needs it. This is what connects us as human beings, the shared experience. It is my belief that this connection is what keeps us going.

My father was never a part of my life and you know... I'm OK with that. I always have been OK with it. I have never been the girl who longed to meet or even have a relationship with her biological father. I mean, my grandfather was and is the man who raised me and my uncles have always been present. There was no void, for me, no lack of male influence. Now, I have met my father several times, more so within the past year and a half. He and his family have been somewhat persistent and trying to keep track of me recently, but honestly it comes off like a guilt trip, it just does not feel genuine. In a way I feel like some trophy being sought after a because his other children (I am his oldest) are nothing to brag about. If comes off like he needs something to claim, to say "See, I didn't screw up. Look at my daughter". Its annoying and down right juvenile to me, so I try my best to stay away, but then the phone calls and sad voices on the other end start and the guilt is there. I don't like that feeling. I don't like being made to feel like I HAVE to visit you or I'm obligated to because you whine and complain...but I do. And really, what kind of relationship is that? When you know that the person doesn't want to be there but you keep them there anyway just to be selfish? Oh my friends, I don't understand why I set myself up for this. Its not because I don't like my father or his family, I just don't know them. How can I be all warm and fuzzy if I know NOTHING about you? It just makes no sense to me at all. Relationships are built, they are not automatic. This is how we connect, this is what makes us human. We build relationships and when we stop building, there is no longer a relationship, no connection.

Really, my annoyance with my father and his family is just the fact that, to this day, they have never taken responsibility for their lack of action in my life. I am a firm believer that when you mess up, say it. Own up to it, learn from it and move on. Blaming everyone, mainly mother's family,  for "keeping me away from them" like Rapunzel trapped in the tower is pure bullshit. And if that was the case, maybe there was a reason that I was not allowed to visit. No matter, once I became an adult and I have been living on my own since I was 20 years old, I was never sought out, never contacted, until I just happened to bump into my father's sister about a year ago. Maybe if I was naive, young or just plain stupid, I'd buy it. But the thing is, I'm not stupid, never have been, never will be. To quote Leah Black from The Real Housewives of Miami

                               " I can deal  with a lot, but I can't deal with stupid." 

I guess the lesson that comes from all of this is that blood may be thicker then water, but we all bleed. Just because you are blood related, does not make that person your family. With my own child, I try my best to teach him that everything you do in life has a consequence. I know that he is only 3, but I want it hammered into his head, so that he never forgets. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder then a drum. This is how I have always looked a the character of a person, by what they do. And this is how I want you all to see me, by my actions. I don't know what will happen with my family, his family and myself, but from judging by the past 32 years...nothing much.

Happy spring my dears, until next time,

Malinda xoxoxo

Friday, April 12, 2013

ATGAH Book of the Month: April 2013

Hello my friends! I hope all of you are doing well and its so good to be writing to you on a regular basis again. Well, it looks like spring has official sprung and these April showers here in Buffalo look like they will be brings lots of May flowers. Some of you may not know this, but I was and English major in university and my LOVE for books and any type of literature is such a part of who I am. So I thought to myself, why not share what I"m reading with all of you. Before I became a mother, I could go through at least 3-4 books a month. Now I literally force myself to read at least one book a month, but  will get through it. So, without further delay, here is the very first installment of A Tokyo Girl At Heart Book of the Month!

I try very hard to limit my TV watching and for the most part it is limited to HBO, Bravo and Cartoon Network. And in said TV watching, one of my guilty pleasures is Bravo's Real Housewives franchise. I watch ALL of them, New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, OC and Miami. So as fan of crazy, I started reading Drinking & Tweeting and other Brandi Blunders by Brandi Glanville with Leslie Bruce. Now if you're already a fan of the Housewives franchise, you already know that Ms. Brandi is a handful, but she is honest. And really that's what the whole book was about...being honest. Yes, its funny and some of the things in it made me blush on more then one occasion. But, I have to give it to Ms. Glanville, not only id she truthful, but she is also very honest with herself and her own flaws. Its really speaks volumes when you go through life's challenges and can be honest enough to say that you played a part in it. And my favorite part is that it was a fast read, nothing to complicated or wordy, it was all simple and to the point.

Malinda xoxo

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Do I really need a Bucket List???

Well hello my darlings! Enjoying the new site? I know, I am too and thank you all so much for the positive feedback and well wishes. You keep me pumped and wanting to do more. Enough with the love fest, lets get into it, shall we...

So as I finished up the site, I had this feeling of accomplishment. I mean, I know there's no flashing lights and Kayne West isn't playing in the background, but I think I did a damn good job making this myself. Well, it got me thinking, what else did i want to accomplish? What other goals do I need to see carried out? Of course there's the normal, wining an Oscar for my screenplay and being the next Oprah, but one thing at a time you know. Seriously, I thought to myself, do I need to make a bucket list? I've never viewed a bucket list as a necessity, but at the same time I've never seen it as something not to do. I believe that its good to put your ideas, thoughts, feels, goals, whatever it may be on paper. But, then again, that's also the writer in me. Gotta put it down on paper and the fancier the paper the better. So here is my bucket list, well the start of it any because I think that you can always add or delete. Life is made for editing, if you get me. And, I pray that I get to all of it in my lifetime. Maybe it will inspire you to make one too.

1. Have a second child
2. Go to India
3. Put on a one women show that eventually goes to Broadway and wins me a Tony (well, at least put on the show, the Tony is touch and go :D )
4. Run a marathon
5. Buy a beach house
6. Travel in Europe for the summer (3 months)
7. Write a book (Not an E-book. And No disrespect to my e-book writers, but I want to be in print before it goes extinct!)
8. Write a screenplay
9. Learn how to sail a boat
10. Make a full length album ( the genre is still up in the air, anything from soul rock to a kids album)
11. Go to Madi Gras in New Orleans and Carnival in Rio
12. Take a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, Egypt and Morocco
13. Have one year of "Good Deeds" where I preform random and anonymous good deeds everyday
14. Read the entire Bible, Torah and Koran

Monday, April 1, 2013

Things Look a Little Different..

Hello my friends!

As you can see, the site looks a little different. I have officially become a "dot-com" and have added some new features, like the video above, to the blog. I have to be honest with you and tell you how nervous I was to be doing this. As I was uploading the video, I felt the way I did when I moved to Japan, when I got married, when it was time to give birth to my son. I knew that this next chapter that I was embarking on was a commitment. That in order for me to take this creative outlet to the next level, I was going to have to commit, whole heartily to it. I am so proud and so excited for where A Tokyo Girl At Heart is going and so happy to take you all with me. I can not thank you all enough for your continued love and support and I want you to know that my success is YOUR success. Here's to wonderful and new things and here is to the future.

With so much love,
Malinda xox