Sunday, April 22, 2012

K-I-N-D-N-E-S-S

I believe that mircles happen everyday. That they can range from soemthing small to the out right amazing. I cannot put into words the feelings that I"m feelign when I think about what happened to me yesterday evening, but I will tell you that they are all positive and good. To be filled with joy is a wonderful gift and to pass on that joy is infectious. Let's begin. I love the feeling of knowning that all my bills are paid. That I owe no one money and the phone won't be ringing off the hook with bill collectors. This is how I was feeling yesterday morning after handling my business. I can tell you that this wonderful feeling did not last long. As I remembered that I sent a check to the IRS and I had to repay money to my job becasue they over paid me (why is this my fault?), I realized that after all my bills (no groceries yet) that I had about $210 to last me for the next two weeks until I get paid again. No, the feeling did not last long at all. In fact, the feeling I ended up having later on that afternonn was that of worry, despair and utter saddness. How the hell can I survive on $210 for two weeks with a toddler and husband to feed, gas to put in the car and any other unexpected expense that might come about. As my son took his late afternoon nap, I tossed and turned with idea of how I could survive on this amoutn of money. I had a last minute playdate at McDonalds around 6pm for Masaya and I told myself to just deal with this later. We went into the resturant and it was pretty busy, so I had to wait a bit. For those of you that don't know, waiting with a toddler is not the most rewarding experience. As I tryed to passify my son I also thought what would be the cheapest thing I could get eat for the both of us. "The fish sandwich is only a dollar. I could also get a small fry and sweet tea and Masaya can have a happy meal. Seven dollars sounds good to me." I thought to myself. We finally get up to the counter and I start placing my order. As I do this a guy behind me asks "Can u add a small nugguet?" I didn't think much of it as he holding money in his had. I just thought he was going to give me a dollar for his food and that was that. He then proceeded to pay for the entire order. And I know what some of you are thinking, "Its only McDonalds. The bill was only $9, who cares." This lady cares. I was so floored and amazed and just overcome with the feeling of surprise I just said "NO!" Now, you all know I only have a couple hundred dollars to last two weeks, but I could pay for me and my child. The man just looked at me, with such sincarity I felt ashamed and he said "Please, we have to take care of each other." And all I could do was stand there with my son on my hip, mouth wide open, still in shock and managed to say a faint "thank you." I don't know if it was the suprise of him paying or my deeper insecurity of feeling that I don't deserve to be taken care of (that's another entry all together), but something changed in me. This act of kindess inspired me and I am an truly grateful to him and pray that he is blessed for this. The kindness of strangers. It is a rare and beautiful thing. In that moment I could think of nothing except, is he serious? I mean, my husband doesn't even buy dinner for me and he loves me, yet this random human being took care of me and my child just to be kind. This man inspired me to be a better human being, a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, a better friend. In that moment of kindness I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that my Creator will take care of me. I"m still annoyed that I only have $210 to my name for the next two weeks, but this morning when I woke up, I wasn't worried about it. I woke up thinking, "how can I change someone elses day around for the better?" What will be my opputunity to pay it forward? And in my heart I know that "kind" is more then a word, it is a lifestyle we should all be living. Be Bless and loved -M xoxox

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

It may not be for you



As many of you know, I am not a fan of the news. My mother is always trying to push me to "stay Informed", but honestly, I'd rather just be oblivious to all the crap that's out there. Ignorance is bless, at least, that's what I've heard them say. So when my co-worker asked me about a story about a 6 year old girl who was taken away in handcuffs due to unruly behavior, I had to take a look. Now, just as I've stated before, this blog is about positivity, growth and keeping things real in the present. What I'm going to present may come off as negative in some sections, but it is not from a place malice. it is from a place of concern for my society and world. So without further delay, lets get into this.

I'm not quite sure if my feelings mirror the majority or not, but when I was told about this story, literally, my first thought was "Where the hell is this girl's parents?". There are so many factors in this story, that you can't just blame it on the school or the police, even the girl herself. My question is, what is going on in this child's home that she believes that her behavior is acceptable? That destroying property and harming others is tolerated because she is upset? What is really going on here? A child's first example is from the home, if the home isn't right, the child will have so many strikes against him/her. We have gone from a society that was very harsh to children, you know the "Do as I say, don't do as I do" teaching, to this "I give my child EVERYTHING" parenting. What is going on? Who is the parent and who is the child? Physical, mental or emotional abuse are not the only forms of harm to our little ones. There is over indulgence, non-discipline, and unstructured homes that are causing harm just as much as the latter.

Some blame the school for calling the police, but really, what should they have done? When the administration has called to this child's family SIX times and no one calls back or answers, there is a problem. I work at place where I can't use my cell phone at my desk, but I know, if I saw that my child's school was calling, I would be out the door or in the break room to find out what was happening to my child. What if the girl hurt herself or another child? When I read the response from her parents I was floored. They took no responsibility in this whatsoever. Moreover, they continued to defend her behavior and make excuses for this child. Teachers have it so hard and maybe this is the real reason why I stopped teaching because no matter what you do, you are always the bad guy. Instructors try their best to get the job done in a few hours and they have so many restrictions. They are trying to make the impossible possible with little or no help from many parents. They are reprimanded for what they say, do, teach, they way they look, the design of the classroom, and on and on. If the teacher or the principle would have held this girl, they would have been suspended or even fired for touching the child. There is no win in this situation. My heart goes out to teachers, who are like second parents and they make no money. Where is their annual $300,000 bonus?

I didn't always think that I would be married, but I always knew that I would be a mother. This is my reality and frankly, its not a reality for everyone. I try so hard to stress to my single friends that a committed relationship and children is NOT for everyone. Just because you get married or make a commitment does not automatically make you a good partner. Just because you give birth, it does not make you a mother or just because you make a baby it does not make you a father. You must know the role and be the role, 24 hrs, 7days a week. Everyone is not meant to be married and everyone is not meant to be a parent. It is more then some daydream we had in high school or E! special we watch on TV. Understanding this, being conscious of it, can turn things around for all of us. Just a thought....

Much love to you all,
M xoxox

Friday, April 13, 2012

A Timeless battle


I was not going to write about this since my friend Betty did such a terrific job on her blog, myfriendbettysays.com , but this thing is driving me crazy! Its a timeless battle and one that has raged on for years, and most likely, it will continue to at the pace we’re going. I’m talking about stay at home mom vs. working moms. So lets do this! Round 1 DING! DING!


I make it a point NOT to watch the news. I find it horrible, depressing and frankly just overbearing and exaggerated. I prefer mindless shows on BRAVO and of course, Game of Thrones on HBO (I get so excited just thinking about it!). However, I could not resist it when I saw the backlash from Hilary Rosen comments about Ann Romney. First of all, do I think she was wrong for saying was she said, yes I do. Now do I think she lying, no. The truth, is there are stay at home moms and there are stay at home moms who are never home! I can say this because I have witnessed this first hand. Nannies and housekeepers basically raising your children for you (The Help!!!!!) while you're off to this club or shopping or having your third latte at Starbucks. Now let me be clear, I am not saying that Ann Romney is not a good mother or that she does not love her children, but there is a difference in being a mom who stays home living on a household income of, let's say, $80,000, compared to a stay at home mom, whose income is in the millions. I believe that this is what Ms. Rosen was trying to say. The fact is Mrs. Romney didn't (and lets face it, still doesn't) have to get a 9-5 job to support her family and take care of a household too. You've all heard my "woe is me" feelings about having to work because I don't have a choice and still coming home and taking care of my son, making dinner for him and my husband and still trying to find time for friends, church, romance and myself. But this is the reality of so many women and at least I have help! What about the single mothers out there? What about the single father? Do they not count in this debate because they're men? Its just stupid and childish.

Do I think I'm better or stronger or a harder worker than other moms who stay home, no. Being a stay at home mother is the hardest job there is and if I did have the choice, I WOULD stay at home with my son. But that is not the hand I have been dealt. So why, why do we women have to go back and forth on the this staying at home verses working thing??? I remember writing about the big picture and the big picture is this, there will ALWAYS be someone who has it worse off then you. On top of that, there will always be someone who has it much, much better then you. Instead of this crap ladies (and those gentlemen I mentioned earlier) why are we not debating about free health care for our kids or free university? Why are we not uniting for the real issues like jobs for those who have to work or those who choose to work?

Its a sad state of affairs when elementary bullshit has run our lives. America, we need to get it together and parents we need to unite. Our community needs to unite. How can we make things better for our kids if we are leading them by poor examples? If this is what they have to look up to then these future generations are doomed to be bitter, selfish, picky adults that can't lead, grow or create beyond their own existence. Get it together America and start making us proud!

Love Malinda
Proud working mother who gives much respect to those Stay at Home Parents
xoxoxo

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Love all around me


Its so funny. There's so much crap in the world today that its so hard to keep focused. And I know you hear this all the time, about staying positive and reaching for the goal and everything. But, hey, lets just face it, that shit gets old, especially when things are not going well. How can you focus on something that is not there? When you're surrounded by negativity, how can you see the positive? The thing is, you don't, but you fight through the bullshit, you fight through the negativity and eventually you win.

My normally happy self is going through this right now. I'm missing my old life in Japan and frankly, feeling... well, a bit out of place in my new life in America. Even though I've settled in and have all these new elements in my life, I am not content. Its not that I want to live in Japan again, but I am craving the family I left behind...my friends. I miss the carefree life I had before the birth of my son and I miss the financial stability that my husband and I had in Japan. Now, I just want to be clear, my son is THE GREATEST thing in my life and Kenji and I were in no way rich, but Masaya drives me crazy sometimes, my husband feels like my "other son" that I'm taking care of and frankly living pay check to pay check is not the life I pictured having at 31 years of age. But, I get up and go to work everyday and come home and take of my household. I do just what I have to do for myself and my family. Do I envy those who have it easier then me? HELL YEAH! I'd be lying if I said no. I realize that money can't buy happiness, but I also know that having no money will make you miserable.

All in all, I am healthy for the most part and I have a family that loves me. And even though this rough patch seems to be lasting forever, I know it won't. And more then this, I take comforting in knowing that my friends, the family that I chose, are missing me just as much as I'm missing them :) That even all the way across the globe, there is love surrounding me and I have to keep fighting, until I win.

Love Malinda

PS. Thanks Francis ;)