Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Love all around me
Its so funny. There's so much crap in the world today that its so hard to keep focused. And I know you hear this all the time, about staying positive and reaching for the goal and everything. But, hey, lets just face it, that shit gets old, especially when things are not going well. How can you focus on something that is not there? When you're surrounded by negativity, how can you see the positive? The thing is, you don't, but you fight through the bullshit, you fight through the negativity and eventually you win.
My normally happy self is going through this right now. I'm missing my old life in Japan and frankly, feeling... well, a bit out of place in my new life in America. Even though I've settled in and have all these new elements in my life, I am not content. Its not that I want to live in Japan again, but I am craving the family I left behind...my friends. I miss the carefree life I had before the birth of my son and I miss the financial stability that my husband and I had in Japan. Now, I just want to be clear, my son is THE GREATEST thing in my life and Kenji and I were in no way rich, but Masaya drives me crazy sometimes, my husband feels like my "other son" that I'm taking care of and frankly living pay check to pay check is not the life I pictured having at 31 years of age. But, I get up and go to work everyday and come home and take of my household. I do just what I have to do for myself and my family. Do I envy those who have it easier then me? HELL YEAH! I'd be lying if I said no. I realize that money can't buy happiness, but I also know that having no money will make you miserable.
All in all, I am healthy for the most part and I have a family that loves me. And even though this rough patch seems to be lasting forever, I know it won't. And more then this, I take comforting in knowing that my friends, the family that I chose, are missing me just as much as I'm missing them :) That even all the way across the globe, there is love surrounding me and I have to keep fighting, until I win.
PS. Thanks Francis ;)