Friday, April 13, 2012

A Timeless battle

I was not going to write about this since my friend Betty did such a terrific job on her blog, , but this thing is driving me crazy! Its a timeless battle and one that has raged on for years, and most likely, it will continue to at the pace we’re going. I’m talking about stay at home mom vs. working moms. So lets do this! Round 1 DING! DING!

I make it a point NOT to watch the news. I find it horrible, depressing and frankly just overbearing and exaggerated. I prefer mindless shows on BRAVO and of course, Game of Thrones on HBO (I get so excited just thinking about it!). However, I could not resist it when I saw the backlash from Hilary Rosen comments about Ann Romney. First of all, do I think she was wrong for saying was she said, yes I do. Now do I think she lying, no. The truth, is there are stay at home moms and there are stay at home moms who are never home! I can say this because I have witnessed this first hand. Nannies and housekeepers basically raising your children for you (The Help!!!!!) while you're off to this club or shopping or having your third latte at Starbucks. Now let me be clear, I am not saying that Ann Romney is not a good mother or that she does not love her children, but there is a difference in being a mom who stays home living on a household income of, let's say, $80,000, compared to a stay at home mom, whose income is in the millions. I believe that this is what Ms. Rosen was trying to say. The fact is Mrs. Romney didn't (and lets face it, still doesn't) have to get a 9-5 job to support her family and take care of a household too. You've all heard my "woe is me" feelings about having to work because I don't have a choice and still coming home and taking care of my son, making dinner for him and my husband and still trying to find time for friends, church, romance and myself. But this is the reality of so many women and at least I have help! What about the single mothers out there? What about the single father? Do they not count in this debate because they're men? Its just stupid and childish.

Do I think I'm better or stronger or a harder worker than other moms who stay home, no. Being a stay at home mother is the hardest job there is and if I did have the choice, I WOULD stay at home with my son. But that is not the hand I have been dealt. So why, why do we women have to go back and forth on the this staying at home verses working thing??? I remember writing about the big picture and the big picture is this, there will ALWAYS be someone who has it worse off then you. On top of that, there will always be someone who has it much, much better then you. Instead of this crap ladies (and those gentlemen I mentioned earlier) why are we not debating about free health care for our kids or free university? Why are we not uniting for the real issues like jobs for those who have to work or those who choose to work?

Its a sad state of affairs when elementary bullshit has run our lives. America, we need to get it together and parents we need to unite. Our community needs to unite. How can we make things better for our kids if we are leading them by poor examples? If this is what they have to look up to then these future generations are doomed to be bitter, selfish, picky adults that can't lead, grow or create beyond their own existence. Get it together America and start making us proud!

Love Malinda
Proud working mother who gives much respect to those Stay at Home Parents


  1. Mothers need to seriously stop the mommy wars. It's a clever tagline that drives people mad and gets the media going. My feeling is, so long as you're doing your best, working mom or not, your kids will be better off. You can be a working mom who doesn't spend time with her kids, and a stay at home mom who doesn't spend time with her kids; regardless of the working situation, the mother's attitude is really what counts. Moms need to support moms, not tear them down.

    1. Thank you for your feedback. This is the kind of discussion that we need to be having, Thanks again for reading!

  2. Hi Malinda!
    Thanks for the mention. I understand your frustration but my post was exactly about the comments we should not be making. For example, you notice the drinking latte, shopping mommy as a working-mom. I notice the Facebook logging, lunch time shopping by the mom that should be working as a SAHM. I won't say it though because I think we all find a way to "take a break". We make over the $ figure you were talking, after baby #3 is coming, I am finally getting regular help. I don't have a single family member around me, I haven't been on a date with my husband in over 2 months, I haven't gone to a movie theater, or a mall. I leave my hubby for 1 hour tops with both boys over the weekend. We don't eat out...I cook everyday, etc., Not Romney money but good money...still doesn't "buy" you extra time as a SAHM...IF you want to do your job well...sacrifices comes with it.
    I'm glad we are having the discussion honestly. Because we need to learn that making assumptions about the other woman just isn't acceptable.
    Keep on writing!

  3. I have to add this comment from a friend of mine on this story. It was bit long so I had to cut some stuff out. Thanks Lisa!!!!
    BY LISA Krueger
    i always thought i would work after i had kids. was hoping to have a year off with each baby - or work part time. but after giving birth i couldn't live with the thought of someone else with my child all day while i spent my day with other peoples' kids.
    all of my local mommy friends work! being a sahm can be very lonely because people resent you bc you live in your pjs and get to be with your kids all day. i've had people call me selfish since the hubby works extra jobs to compensate. i LOVE it when people say sahms are lazy. i have a master's degree. i'm very hard-working - and there were times where i worked 3 jobs at once. but it's not worth it for me to work just so we can have a bigger house or take more vacations. we can squeak by with me at home so we'll do it for as long as we can!
    it really hurts when someone says 'we can't all afford to stay home'. my husband is a teacher aide! i didn't marry money! we bought our house on 1 income. we don't have a home phone or cable/satellite. we don't have smartphones or data plans. we sold our 2nd car. we ask for gift cards to our favorite restaurants every Christmas/birthday - and THAT is how we go on dates!
    i know not all working moms are like this - a good friend was on her Easter break and took her son all over the city and didn't make any plans with friends bc she wanted to have that special time with him. and i was really touched when she called me on day 2 and said 'ok what do sahm's do with their kids all day? where can i take him?!?'. it was neat to have someone ask me about 'my job' and what i'd do.
    i guess it's just hard to relate to working moms sometimes because we don't wear your shoes. some days i think it'd be nice to do something different than play-doh and singing all day. working moms work 9-5 and come home and do that stuff from 6-bedtime. sahm's do that stuff from 8am-bedtime! there may be a little jealousy because you get to do something different to break up your day.
    i have a lot of respect for most working moms. you are one of them Muffy! you don't make excuses about working full time and still take the time to interact with your son. it's probably a jealousy thing with the ones who put their kids in daycare to relax - sahm's don't have that kind of flexibility! some days you can't even shower! in my daycare days i had one mom who called to check how her son's day was during his nap every single day. she brought in a journal so that i could write little notes about what neat things he did or new words he said every day.
    can we just blame the crappy economy since we live in a time where you need 2 incomes to survive? then the moms who don't want to work don't have to - and there will be more sahms around and less resentment! i think moms do need to get together and stop judging and get over their differences. but the working/sahm is just the tip of the iceberg! there are some very hostile mothers who go on crusades to belittle other parents on the issues of breasfeeding... scheduled c-sections... co-sleeping... home births... natural births... thumb sucking... binkies... behavior management... i mean really - you name it. parenting is SUCH a personal thing - and it's very easy to feel offended with unsolicited advice or comments - especially from men or people who don't have kids! but i think you have to just do what's right for you.