Asking for help when you need it is not a weakness

 

The past few months have been Extremely challenging for me, mentally and emotionally. I was afforded the chance to get away and the kids and I took a trip to a sunny beach and the therapeutic ocean. We came back feeling rested rejuvenated and so so happy. But we also came back to lots and lots and lots of snow. And it wasn’t just beautiful powdery winter wonderland kind of snow. It was hard and heavy and some of it was even mix with ice. Nonetheless, I had put on my boots and my coat and hat and set out to tackle the snow. Sadly, I didn’t get very far. Maybe it was because I was gone relaxing for a while and I was still in that vacation mode, but I couldn’t move the snow at all. after about 15 minutes of trying, with my poor hands throbbing from the cold, I gave up. I went back in the house, warmed up with a cup of lavender Earl Grey tea and regrouped. normally I would ask my kids to help, but when it comes to an 11-year-old and a six-year-old all they’re going to do is play. And really, if I couldn’t move that snow I knew for damn sure they couldn’t either. so I did the next best thing I could think of, I reached out for help on social media. I heard from an old coworker pretty quickly and he got over to me within 15 minutes. We caught up laugh joked and got rid of that snow and dug my car in my driveway out. Mission accomplished and I had some fun with it. It’s the simplest thing to ask for help when we need it but so often we won’t do it out of our own pride.

If I’m being perfectly honest, a few years ago I would have never asked for help and I would have struggled with that snow for hours and been miserable and unhappy in the cold. why is it so hard for us to delegate and ask for assistance when we’re in need? I can say for myself, part of it stems from my childhood. I’m an only child and always felt that I had to prove myself because there was no one else I could fall back on. my culture also plays a part in it as well. I have seen so many black women take on so much because they felt that they had to not because they wanted to. and socially, as a single mother, I never wanted to have people look down on me that I constantly need help because I do not have a partner. Now don’t get me wrong, independence is an amazing thing and having self-confidence is a must in your life. But, being prideful and stubborn is not an attribute any of us should take on. and I want to be clear, there’s a reason why I specify asking for help when you NEED it. Because, quite often help is associated with laziness. We all know those folks who asked for help because they don’t want to put the work in and it’s easier to have someone else do it. But this isn’t what I’m talking about. I am talking about a genuine need for assistance. It took me years to come to the conclusion that I’m not superwoman because frankly it’s exhausting. raising two children on my own, trying my best to take care of my home, helping family members and being there for friends is a lot to take on. And when we think about humanity, the issues we have within our society stem from the fact that we refused to genuinely help each other when we need it. Asking for help when you need it is one of the strongest things you can do. It shows that you’re vulnerable, that your flawed and that you’re human. We have to let go of this image of perfection and show our imperfections in order to become great. It took me so long to learn this but it is something that I’ve taken to heart and some thing that I’ve also taught my children. Do what is in your ability to do 100% of the time, but also understand your limitations because you do have them. Asking for help when we need it is a lesson in understanding that we cannot control everything in our lives. there are just some things we cannot do without the assistance of others, and that’s OK. It does not make you weak, or less than or dependent on others. It is a sign of your humility and it is a sign that you can surrender to the things you cannot control. And that my friends is a true sign of strength.