2020: a retrospective

 

The year 2020 has been called lots of things, and mostly none of it is good. Shit show, dumpster fire, and all around vortex of chaos. Honestly, I could go on and on about how horrible most people saw this year. Thinking back to a year ago, 2020 had such promise. It was a new decade, double-digit prophecies, a hope and prosperity coming into so many peoples lives. Even for myself, this time last year I was in Las Vegas with the man that I loved and having the best time celebrating and bringing in the new year. And truth be told, last year was the very best New Year’s eve and New Year’s day that I’ve ever had that I can recall. I remember leaving Las Vegas being filled with so many wonderful fresh memories and so excited about what the year would bring. And the first couple of months of the year did bring that. I was writing more and feeling creative. My son, Masaya turned 10 the end of January. I went to Mardi Gras for the first time ever and had a blast with one of my dearest friends in the world, Brian.  Yes, things were looking good. But all of that changed the end of February into the beginning of March. 

What started as a whisper, of a deadly virus affecting The respiratory system, begin to grow. Truth be told, I downplayed the virus for a long time. I’m not someone who’s big on the news and really takes things with a grain of salt until I’ve done my own research as most people should do. But I couldn’t deny the evidence. We were heading into the biggest worldwide pandemic in the past hundred years. The fear begin to settle in, questions of the unknown and the uncertainty of how to keep myself and my loved ones safe. So I begin to pay attention, I begin to do my research more and more. The best thing that I could do was make sure we quarantined and isolated ourselves, just me, Masaya and Yui. The first thing that stopped was us visiting my mother. It was already a challenge not having her at home and not being able to see her completely was devastating. Thankfully, I had purchased a phone for her a month prior to the lockdown so at least we were able to communicate every day that way. Next we stop seeing my grandparents except for the occasional times that I will go to the grocery store and drop things off for them. No friends, no play dates, no outings, just me the kids in the house. I even took a leave of absence from work for six months to be home with them. And at first it wasn’t too bad. I was actually grateful to be home with them. Being a working mother I felt that I was robbed of my time with my children. And for me I saw it as God giving me that time back with them. Being able to make lunches and talk about school and what they were feeling. Being able to go on walks and do home crafting. I cherish that time and I still do. but by the end of May the isolation has started to get to me. I was desperately missing my partner who lives on the opposite coast and I was missing my family and friends. But something else begin to shift.

As a black woman in America, I am not one to turn a blind eye to racial injustice, police brutality or systematic oppression. I have beard witness to it my whole life and have sadly experienced these personally.  but what shift it was at the world seem to finally open their eyes and see it for themselves. Not wanting to talk about, discuss, acknowledge, for years upon years upon years, it was finally at the forefront. The death of George Floyd at the hands of the Minnesota police was the Powderkeg that started it all. The world watched in the world reacted. The gatherings, the protest, the rallies from here in Buffalo, all the way to New Zealand stretched and sounded like a trumpet sounding it’s morning call. Coupled with the state of the world in the pandemic this was pushing people over the edge. People are losing their businesses, their income, their family and their friends were succumbing to this virus, and all the while dealing with the government who chose not to help or rather, helped in the most minuscule way. Frustration, anger and disappointment fill the air and rightfully so. The number of Covid deaths rose daily and did not stop. The need for mental health wellness was at an all-time high. By the time the November U.S. presidential election arrived, things once again, were at a boiling point. And every day I waited to see if the world was going to implode. But it didn’t. Even with all the chaos that swarmed around us,  we found a way to push through. Though they were those who pushed against science they were even more who fought for it. For those who pushed against unity they were even more margin for it. For those who refuse to see the good in the world they were even more who came together and showed that it was still there. Through hilarious memes and zoom calls, through virtual birthday parties through it all people found a way to keep going.

How would I describe 2020? For me, it was the year of revealing. It revealed our humanity. It revealed the very best in us and also the very worst in us. It revealed what we are capable of doing when we are led by our hearts and what happens when we are led by our selfishness. this was a year that revealed what people are really made of, whether that be for good or whether it not be. this year revealed so much to me of myself. It open my eyes not only to my relationship with others but also my relationship with myself. it allowed me to be still and not be distracted by the day-to-day busy life that I have created these past few years. It revealed to me mistakes that I have made but also reminding me of my worth. What I wanna do 2020 all over again, in short no. But I am grateful, so forever grateful for the lessons it has taught me, no matter if those lessons came from love or if they came from the deepest hurt. And they are lessons that I choose to apply in my life for as long as I live.

May the lessons we’ve all learned my friends be applied now and may we take them with us in 2021. Be blessed my friends and thank you.