Thank you for being a friend: The importance of adult relationships

I loved watching the Golden Girls as a child, even though most of the jokes went over my head. and recently I’ve been re-watching the series with my own two children. And once again, the jokes are definitely going over their heads, but they both laugh anyway and enjoy the show.  Now that I am an adult and can understand the hilarity of it all, it  leaves me in stitches. But the main thing that I love as an adult watching the show is seeing mature friendships. Through slapstick and puns, satirical faces and corny jokes, the main lesson in that show is friendship, it’s sisterhood, it’s love. And it’s a lesson that we as adults should understand. We need to value the importance of real friendships.

I have been blessed to have a wonderful set of friends. I have friends from my childhood still, I have friends from college and I have friends from my early adult years. And just like snowflakes, they are all different and unique. They all play different roles in my life but the foundation of each of those friendships are based on the same thing.  There is mutual love, respect, consistent energy, and honesty. Some of them, I talk to almost every day and others every few months. But the true testament of that relationship is always there. I don’t take these relationships for granite. I know how difficult it can be to have a well oiled friendship. I know how difficult it can be to make friends not only as a child but even more so as an adult. People are stubborn, they’re set in their ways and sometimes it’s hard to be open because of past relationships that have gone sour or have been toxic. Opening yourself up to another person is one of the most vulnerable things you can ever do. But it is something that is required in having a friend. Consistency is also some thing that’s so important. One-sided relationships are a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. You cannot continue to give of yourself without getting something back. Because as we all know, if you do, eventually there will be nothing left to give. And sadly takers do not know a limits or boundaries, so as a giver you have to learn this lesson well. 

Respect and boundaries go hand-in-hand. Most of us are under the impression that we’ve surpassed the peer pressure phase however I have seen and experience more than once, the pressure to break a boundary that I have clearly set, all in the name of “friendship”. Now this doesn’t mean that you were supposed to agree all the time because frankly that’s just ludicrous. No one ever agrees all the time, in fact disagreeing is healthy. But no one who truly loves you, is going to push you into doing some thing that you either don’t want to do or constantly disagreeing with you or making you, your thoughts, your ideas or your very being feel invalid for the sake of an argument. Respect is not only demanded it is essential to a friendship. It sets the tone for everything else. And we can’t forget about honesty. Surrounding yourself with “YES” people is never a good idea, just take a look at Kanye West. Having folks around you who can help you see out of your tunnel vision is a gift. And a lot of the times they may not always be right. Again it’s good to differ, but looking at some thing from a different perspective is revolutionary. A real friend will help you do this.

They were so many songs, movies other entertainment about friendships, that I could honestly go on and on all day about it. but I do know that as I continue to grow older my friendships have become the center of my life. I have always been a firm believer that your friends are the family you make for yourself. my friends have been there for me when things have been wonderful, celebrated, and laughed with me. My friends have also been there in my ugliest times, my most tragic times and the most heartbreaking times as well. And honestly, I don’t know if I could have made it through some of those times had I not had them, not have their support, not have their love. I treasure my friendships. I don’t take them for granted. And I pray that we will have many more years to come and many more experiences to go through together. because while I walk in gratitude, I think them all for being my friends