Longevity doesn’t make a relationship, respect and commitment do.

 

I was scrolling through Instagram the other day and came across a post struck a cord with me. It said “Why brag about y’all being together for 10 years, if you’ve been crying for 9 of them.” This may be a hard pill to swallow for some, but it’s true. For a lot of people, longevity has become an excuse for staying in an unhealthy relationship, rather than real commitment to that relationship. 

We all know those couples who break up to make up. And frankly it’s exhausting being in involuntary witness to it all. you see their posts on social media. Smiling, happy, so in love. The next week they stop unfollowing each other and updating their status to “single” without haste. Only to change that status once again two weeks later and reaffirm their undying commitment to each other. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the roller coaster I wish I could get off of but can’t. now don’t give me wrong. Relationships are not perfect. You will have periods that are very high, and you will have periods that are very low. But subjecting yourself to an unequally yoked union for the sake of bragging about how long you’ve endured the suffering is just foolish. And to be perfectly honest, sometimes love isn’t enough. As devastating as it can be, you have to take yourself off the hamster wheel because running in circles is not only exhausting for you but it’s exhausting for others to watch.  Longevity means nothing if you and your partner are not committed to each other. Longevity means nothing if the other person doesn’t respect you. Longevity means nothing if you can count more sad days and happy ones. I am a competitor at heart, so I understand the desire to want to win, especially in love. To say despite it all, look, we made it. But have you really made it or are you just making it through the day?

And don’t think is just limited to those of us coupled up. This applies to toxic friendships, unhealthy family ties and hostile work environments. Just because you grew up with someone does not automatically guarantee them a spot in your adult circle. Bratty kids tend to grow up to be bratty adults. And I can personally attest to the fact that I do not do well with the selfish. Now you can’t choose your family, this is just a fact. But you can choose to turn a blind eye to their toxicity. That is on you and only you. Remember, you can love folks from afar. Lastly, we’ve all worked those deadens jobs. The ones that suck your soul from your body. I know that pension look great, but will you ever get to see it if your high blood pressure gives you a stroke because of how stressed out your crazy ass supervisor is making you? I get you want to put in those years, but ask yourself, are those years worth your peace?

At the end of the day my friends, relationships are real work, no matter the nature. But they are require mutual respect and commitment for it to be successful. Romantic, platonic, sisterly, brotherly, family, or colleagues, everyone has to be on the same page and working on the same goal. Because when love, communication and respect are in the forefront, longevity is the end result.