My son isn’t into football

 

My life completely changed the moment that my son, Masaya, was born. My biggest hope and dream was to become a mother. And at the end of my 28th year on this earth, he fulfilled that dream for me. I find it’s so hard to give an accurate description of the love I feel for him. You see, I always knew I would have a son and I always knew what his name would be. So while he was in the womb, I would constantly talk to him and call his name. Our bond was immediate and has continued these last 10 years to grow stronger every day. But as our immediate family transitioned to a group of three, I wondered if I was enough for him. I worried that I couldn’t teach him how to be a man.

My son has never been big into conventional sports. He does like watching football games, especially hometown ones when the Bills are in Buffalo. And he roots for our team like any good Buffaloian would. But if you asked him, he couldn’t tell you the difference between a first down and a flag on the play. he’s not into baseball either. Although that one I can’t blame him for. We’ve gone to multiple games live but usually we’re mainly concerned with eating refreshments. Nothing like a good ballpark frank. He does like playing basketball and he does enjoy shooting hoops every now and again. But as far as the rules of the game and what’s going on, other than LeBron James, he couldn’t tell you anyone who plays a sport professionally. So why did all of this bother me? Part of me feels that he will eventually be judged as not being masculine enough. That because his interests mainly lay in art, music, and anime, he will be seen as less then. I think it’s any parents concern that their children will be teased or bullied because they make choices that are not popular. But why was I so concerned what other people thought about my sign. When I looked into it I knew that for me, it would be seen as a reflection on my parenting. My parenting as a single black woman.The stereotypes that played in my mind had more to do with me than to do with him. Because I was already being told “oh he needs to toughen up” or “he should be doing things that other boys are doing.” It was literally like that song from Mulan was playing consistently in my head whenever I would have these conversations, mainly with male family members. 

Finally I had to take a step back. Why was I letting my insecurities as a single parent dictate how I was raising my son. Masaya is the kindest, smartest, one of the most talented kids I have ever had the privilege of knowing. And I’m not just saying that because he’s mine. He is a wonderful boy. And I am a good mother. What activities he decides to enjoy has nothing to do with my parenting or him as a person. I’m not concerned about what sports he plays, I’m concerned that he treats people with respect, especially women and girls. I’m concerned with does he understand what consent is, is he able to voice his opinion is properly without hurting people. Am I raising him to use his logic and not lead with emotions. These things are more important than him putting a helmet on. And I am a good mother. What activities he decides to enjoy has nothing to do with my parenting or him as a person. I’m not concerned about what sports he plays, I’m more concerned that he treats people with respect, especially women and girls. I’m concerned with does he understand what consent is, is he able to voice his opinions properly without hurting people. Am I raising him to use his logic and not lead with emotions. These things are more important than him putting a helmet on. And anyone judging him by what sport he knows or what sport he doesn’t know has no business being in his life at all. And please understand, if you’re raising children and your kids are into these types of sports that’s awesome. And I hope they excel to be perfectly honest but don’t judge other kids who aren’t. We all have our own path to lead and just because mine doesn’t look like yours doesn’t mean that I’m wrong. 

So no, my son isn’t into football. But he is into rock climbing, skateboarding, and swimming. His favorite place to go is an art museum and he consistently asked to cosplay all the time. He is also manner able, empathetic and he is the light of my life. And I have made a vow to never doubt him or myself as a parent again.