Tuesday, October 14, 2014

My daughter looks good in Blue

Hello my dear friends! I hope and you are all well. Look at that little chunky monkey. She's getting bigger and bigger everyday. That's why every moment with her and Masaya are so precious to me. I take my role as their mother very seriously. It is a title I have been blessed with and one I hold so close to my heart. I understand that I am the very first example of what being human is all about. I am the foundation of their being and the lessons I teach them, set a precedent for their growth and maturity. But they also teach me, especially Masaya, being my first born. He and Yui have helped me understand that it's ok to veer away tradition.

As most of you know, my son had very long hair for a very long time. I always made a point to let Masaya make a decision about his hair and how he wanted to wear it. Because really how many decisions does a four year old get to make. When he decided to cut his hair it was because he wanted to not because I told him so well because someone else told him that it wasn't right. In fact he often received negative feedback when his hair was long. And the saddest part was most of that negative feedback was from other kids. They would say things like "you're not supposed to have long hair only girls have long hair." To which my smart and secure a little four-year-old boy would answer "that's not true". And of course he would proceed to give a list of all of the men he knew with very long hair just like his. From rockstars to football players, actors and activists, he would go on and on and say these men are just like me. He refused to fit in anyone else's mold but his own and for that I am extremely proud of my son. When he did decide to cut his hair it was a decision of his own making. No pressure from me or his father or anyone else for that matter. He simply just said he wanted to change.  But he was proud to have long hair and still talks about how cool he was. My son help me to reevaluate what gender roles are really all about and what we're teaching our children. For example I bought my son a play kitchen,a really nice kitchen at that. And I was surprised at some people who asked me "why did you get him the kitchen?" Because I want my son to understand that it is no woman's job to fix his meals or take care of him that he needs to know how to do that himself. And if being in the kitchen is something that he enjoys to do, I want him to really focus on his passion. He could be the next Wolfgang Puck for all I know! And the same thing goes for my daughter. I went shopping for her the other day and was almost repulsed as I looked at all the pink in the girl section. Don't get me wrong I actually love my daughter in pink. I think she looks absolutely adorable in it. But having too much of any color is annoying. So I promptly went over to the boy section and ended up getting her five rompers in gray, blue, white. And you know what, she still looks adorable and she still looks like a little baby girl...no pink needed.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is a lot of the things that we place our gender roles on a pretty superficial. The color clothes you wear, the way your hair is cut, the toys you play with, it's a whole trivial. This is not what the essence of being a man of being a woman is all about. Do you work hard or do you take care of your family? Do you treat your fellow man with kindness and respect? Do you make this world a better place? This is what defines you, this is what it's all about. And I thank my children for teaching me this lesson.

Be blessed xo

Monday, October 6, 2014

Dedicated-Registering for School

Getting it together for my little one :)

Hello friends! It's that time of year again. Time to register your child for school next year. Here in Buffalo, parents and gaurdians are submitting applications. Here are a few tips to make the process a little easier. Good luck!!! 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Unhappily Returning to Work: A True Story

My dear friends, thank you for once again   tuning into another episode of this is my life. I've never been reserved in sharing things with you because I feel that if just one person takes something positive away from my experience, it's worth it. I've shared the good and the bad. And this entry, ladies and gentlemen, is all about the bad...leading into the good.

Holding my daughter to my breast as she slept felt like heaven. Her steady breathing always makes me smile because it is a sure sign she is here and she is real. It's still dark outside, but a dimly lit antique lamp next to her crib lights her room. I lift her and myself out of the plush, cream rocking chair and lay her in her bed. I smell her one more time before hopping in the shower. I undressed, turned the water on, got in and then I begin to cry silently. I do this because I can't scream. I can't throw something. I can't hit or yell at someone. I can't even sob out loud. All I can do is make that ugly ass face and let the tears roll down. Exactly 3 months, to the day my daughter was born, I was returning to mainstream, out of the home work.

There were so many emotions going through my head on the way to work. Sadness, anger, disappointment, regret, resentment. The list goes on really, but one thing these emotions have in common are that they are all negative. This is not the way to get your head in the game when going back to a job. Why was this time so hard? I felt like I was going through the five stages of grief.  I was morning my maternity leave. I remember being sad to leave Masaya when he was a baby, but it wasn't like this at all. This was more then just baby blues. This was something else. And then it dawned on me. The difference between four years ago and now was that the "choice" was taken out of the equation. I was truly returning back because I had to. With Masaya, I had a glorious whole eight months to be with him, bond and create memories. And even though I had three months with Yui, (which seems like a luxury to other parents here in America who are only given 6 weeks) it was still such a short period of time. I was going back to work because I might lose my position or worse. It was not a free will choice. Now, there was a mortgage and past due bills mounting. And here is a side note to those of you planning to get married or to be in long term relationships with children. Please make sure you discuss the working/staying at home situation not only before kids, but after and during. Believe me, if the communication is clear, it will save you months (maybe even years) of unnecessary stress and relationship strain.

 Ok, back to my meltdown. I put on a happy face and walked into school. I waved to old co-workers and smiled but in my heart, I just wanted to see my babies. I got through the day. I had done it, but those feelings were still there. Until I began to read the comments in my Facebook post I had uploaded that morning. The love and support shown to me was unbelievable. I took comfort in knowing that I wasn't the only one in this situation and I wouldn't be the last. The great advice and general concern helped put things in perspective. And I have to thank my old high school friend David for giving me the best advice I could have asked for. In summery he said, yeah it sucks, that's the reality of it. We should be with our children. But look forward to coming home. Let that be the best part of your day.

And that's exactly what I did. The moment I came home and heard my son yell "Mommy", I was back on track. I was actually in the moment. Second by second, minute by minute. I was soaking up everything. Using all my five senses to enhance my role as a mother. It was truly, all about my children. Those negative feelings are still there early in the morning. I try my best not to let them consume my day. But I will say, hearing that last bell at school is my favorite part of the day because I know that I'll be returning home. 

Be blessed 
Malinda xoxo