Thursday, May 23, 2013

I'll fight Your Battles...or will I????

Well hello friends. I hope and pray that you are all well since last I wrote. As always, thank you, thank you, thank you so very much for taking time out of your day to read what I have written. Your support keeps me going and motivated to put my thoughts and experiences out there. Something happened  today that really made me question an area of my parenting. I pride myself on my son being polite, which is a trait that is more then lacking in so many kids and adults, but for the first time, I asked myself..."am I making my son weak?"

It began during pick up at school today. As usual the children were outside having a ball and Masaya was playing in the sand box with his friends. Let me tell you, the feeling I get when I see my child playing at school and really interacting with other children washes away all the crap of the work day. It is a true mood booster. He sees me and runs to greet me with a smile and wraps his arms around my neck, followed by a "Mommy come on. Come play in the sand with me."As you can imagine I melt right there and dare not refuse the order, so I go to join the wee ones in the sand as they make cakes and pies and castles. Everything is sunshine and rainbows until I see this little boy not wanting to play with my son. I suggest to Masaya to play with some other friends and to use a truck that's near him. He does and things are back to gumdrops and candy corn. Then the little boy from before, begins to take the truck Masaya is playing with and I can see the fight ensure. I encourage Masaya to tell the boy that he is using the truck and I say it as well. Apparently this kid does not following the " use your words" rule and ignores the both of us. So I go and look him in the eye and take the truck and say "Masaya was using this. You can have it when he is done." Which met me with an eye roll from a 3 year old and the boy proceeds to spit in the truck. Now, my first reaction is to smack the little brat across his face, but I suppress all my desires and let the teacher do her job.

I know what you're thinking, "Oh my goodness!". Yeah, I know. But the fact of the matter is, I can not control other people's children, I can ONLY control my own child. Which made me think, if I hadn't stepped in and just let the two of them duke it out, would that have been the out come? Or, would my son, being the polite one, not have even fought back. I try my best to have Masaya express himself with words, more so because he is bi-lingual, but also because he needs to understand that words are powerful and your point must be made. I don't like the screams or moans when children are fighting over something, I want my son to talk! But has my approach with him made him a bit weak. Should he have given into the primal instincts? Survival of the fittest? That I do not know, but I also no that I don't want anyone bullying my kid and he not stick up for himself. And really, isn't that every parent mission? To teach your child compassion, empathy, but also confidence and strength . It is such a hard thing to balance, but it is something I now know that I and his father must help him with, so the next time we meet up with bratty kid, my son will be ready to fight his own battles.

Until next time, may love surround you

-Malinda xoxoxo

4 comments:

  1. My parents always told me that we have manners because there are people who don't...I'm sure that through seeing your reaction and the reaction of his teacher, that he will learn to stand up for himself. These ugly situations present good opportunities to ask him what he might say or do in such situations in the future. If he's anything like his momma, he will always be the bigger person and do the right thing. ;) Erin

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    1. Thank you for the feedback. It definatly helped to put things in perspective.

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  2. I agree with Erin. My parents called it "home training" lol. Some kids have it, some don't. Maybe it's important to teach Masaya not to let this stuff sweat him as he will encounter it no matter where he goes in life.

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    1. Good point Kelsey! And things like this will continue for the rest of his life. I suppose it's more so how he learns internalize it and understand which battles are worth fighting for. Thank you for the feedback and support!

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