Friday, January 18, 2013

I want to be alone...or not

Well, hello, hello! Come into my den said the spider. I pray that the new year is going well for all of you as it has for me. As always thanks for stopping by to read the thought of a mad woman. I am forever grateful to you. So let's start with that title.

I've been having an interesting conversation with a wonderful new friend named Jeremy Franklin. Not only is Jeremy an excellent musician (he's is a member of the amazing band, Son of the Sun) but I LOVE talking to him. I mean, the guy not only keeps me entertained, but he keeps me thinking. We were at working discussing relationships and he brought up this concept that he and I are not really fans of. The idea of separate, but together. This is broken down into the thought that you're in a relationship with a person, but not incorporating that person in all aspects of your life. You keep your friends and family in one area, your work associates in another and your lover in its own category. These components may intertwine from time to time, but for the majority of the time, they do not. Now, I don't want to confuse you, I'm not talking about casual sex or having a lover, where the majority of the relationship and bond is physical. I mean, you are actually in a committed relationship or even married to this person. Jeremy made a point that we have become such an individual society that even our relationships have become stoic. I couldn't help digesting what he said. And all I could think was...then what's the point of being in a relationship?

Now I'm not here to judge, that's not my style or my role. However, this does not work for me. I can understand if something is new and your feeling out the waters. I say take your time. See where that person is and if your really want to make that person a permanent fixture in your life. But this new thing Woody Allen/Mia Farrow  across the park kinda a relationship I just don't get. Have we become so self absorbed that we can't share the thing that holds us all When I give myself to someone, I give all of myself and I'm not justt speaking in a romantic sense here. In all my relationships,my God, my love, my mother, my child, my friends, I give myself. Which is the main reason why my intimate circle is so small. The people who are in my life for the long haul are apart of all aspects, not the few I pick for them. Its pretty simple, either we are in this together or we're not. Either you're with me or your not, its quite simple. These "straddle the line type of relationships" only lead to confusion, misinterpretations and eventually demise.

If all you can give me is the time that we're in bed together then I'd rather go to bed alone. We are here to work together and make this life worth living. That human connection is what has built such great societies, ideas, writings, songs and experiences. We lose that, we lose ourselves.

P.S. If you're in the Buffalo area, Son of the Sun will be playing at DBGB's on Allen St., January 25th. To learn more about Son of the Sun please visit


  1. Hummm I think it's easy to fall into "roles" and people have to work really, really had to not let that happen. And if it does happen, we should try to find a way to get that old feeling back again...but if we can't, we have to be adult enough to admit it. I dunno...I'm sending hugs to you from Yokohama <3

    1. WOW! I'm really behind in all my responses, but I agree with you. Our society has changed so much and frankly I wish the traditions we used to hold dear. Not because that what is put on me, but that is how I am, as a woman. Its an interesting subject.