Thursday, June 28, 2012

Connecting on all Levels

Now this an interesting topic, but an important one I feel. I was bored to tears at work today and started trolling through Facebook cause I had nothing better to do. When I came across a link that my friend Jae Rozier had posted. It was an article in the most recent Essance magazine about how important sex is  to a relationship. The aritical was quite interesting and was written by a well versed gentleman. It went on to talk about how a young, Hollywood couple (who are not virgins I want to point out) decided not to have sex until they were married. Now this is a beautiful thing and so special I think and very romantic. But here is my issue. What happens when the wedding is over and the guest have gone home and you and your new love go to do the deed and its…well, its bad. And I don't mean lack luster, I mean bad. Could you over look a sexual relationship with your partner and just settle for everything else? Would you pass up a great partner if the physical relationship is less then desired?

 I started looking at the different opinons and of course I have my own, but we’ll get into that later. It seemed like the majority of people in the discussion had the same idea. Oh, just teach them what to do or have them do research. But what if that doesn’t work? I’ll give you two sceniros. You meet the perfect person and everything seems great but, let’s just say that “nature” has not blessed this person. You try different things, techniques, but you can’t work with what you don’t have. Do you just say "Oh well, I’ll have a horrible sex life and just appreciate the fact that this person loves me". All the while fantisising about every sexy person that passes you by? Now let's change up the scerino. You’re willing to teach, but what if that person was unwilling to learn? Some folks are just that arrogant and think they know everything and frankly don't want to be told that they are bad in bed (even if they know it). What do you do then? I asked my friend Cheria and got her thoughts on the situation. She made a point that if both people in the relationship are virgins, they wouldn’t know any better because they would have no other partner to compare the experience too. But virgin or not, when its not good, its not good!

 I’ve had the opposite situation. The physical connection was so amazingly MIND BLOWING, but everything else was shit! But I will say, I stayed longer in that relationship then one where that physical connection was bad. It's because sex is not only physical, but its emotional and mental too. It encompasses all those feelings, thoughts, wishes and not to mention the skin on skin sensation. Marriage has taught me that all those things matter in a relationship. That they are all equally important. If one is lacking, they are ALL lacking. There has to be a connection on all levels, especially if you are making a life long commitment to someone. Sure it can be all hot in the beginning. But after 2, 5, 10 years with the same person, you better work your hardest to keep that spark alive. And the same old stuff is not gonna cut it. And it turns into a snowball effect and the next thing you know, you're both sleeping in separate bedrooms. People cheat mentally and emotionally, not just physically. Its because they are not on the same page with their partner and looking to be fulfilled in some way that their other half is not giving them. So in my opion, would I pass up a good partner over bad sex… hell yes!!!!

Love Malinda xoxo

 P.S here is a link to the article if you want to take a look. Also, I am not promoting cheating, sexual orgies or even saying go out and get freaky to find your “perfect match”. This is not a Pro-Sex entry, it’s a Pro-Self entry because no one should settle for less then what they are worth. Know your worth and don't settle for just anyone!

http://www.essence.com/2012/06/22/girls-best-friend-would-you-pass-on-a-good-man-over-bad-sex/

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